Shadows of "Emotional Intelligence"

I have some "issues" with the concept of "emotional intelligence;" these are many and varied, but the one that's popped up lately is how this concept of "managing emotions" is again being used to set one group above another, to reinforce the hierarchy of "good emotions" and "bad emotions." As with the diatribes about "living fearlessly," the notion of managing one's way into a life without suffering is overly simplistic, reactionary, and potentially dangerous. We need fear and suffering - always present/always in balance with love and joy. The dynamic balance of emotions - all emotions - is what brings us into rich, vital lives.

To be fair, perhaps we (I and the proponents of E.I.) are conceiving of suffering in different ways. This is my take on it: Yes, suffering – not one of my favorite feelings. Still, to devalue any of our vast palette of emotions to is participate in perpetuating white supremacist, capitalist, patriarchy (thank you, bell hooks). Efforts to suppress, manage, and intellectualize emotions have led to efforts to suppress and oppress people who have expressed emotions deemed “bad” or less mature – particularly women. While I certainly agree that suffering is not desirable, I would die without it. I do not seek pain, suffering, or grief and neither do I seek to eliminate them from my experience of life. Without suffering we do not have compassion (“suffering with”); without suffering I would not know what it is to feel relief, joy, or peace. Some of us have the privilege of limiting our suffering to that which we can control – our own actions and reactions. Many, many people do not have such privilege; their sufferings are neither chosen nor optional.

In the midst of hunger, war, addiction, mental illness, abuse, oppression, and a sick plethora of plagues on our existence, people suffer; and as long as one suffers, we all suffer regardless of how present, mature, or “good” we are. This is where the dynamism of living consciously can really serve to move us into lives of abundance. I am vastly grateful for all my emotions; they teach me, make me more present, and connect me with Life. It's not just that I suffer with others through our ultimate connection, I'm also joyous (OT: why is 'suffer' a verb, but 'joy' isn't?) with others - my joy potentially easing some suffering, my suffering potentially eased by the joy of others.

The shadow of "managing emotions with intelligence" is that rationality is not usually the best tool to address imminent or existential experience. Perhaps we could try choosing how we feel about our thoughts, rather than constantly choosing how we think about our 'felts.' I feel this would lead us to focusing on our strengths, appreciative inquiry into our work, and including more and varied voices in our conversations.